How to break the cycle of judgment

For years, I judged myself.

I lived in a type of self-division and self-rejection. This remained the case even into my years of awakening and learning about the importance of self-love.

I knew that having a loving and compassionate relationship with myself was vital, and in my mind, I would think, “Of course I love myself!” Yet, even with this recognition, the critical thoughts remained.

On one level, I knew that I was powerful, beautiful, worthy, and lovable, but on the other, I was self-conscious, insecure, fearful, judgmental, and I had the tendency to compare myself to others quite often.

I knew this wasn’t healthy, but I just couldn’t seem to soothe the critical voice within me, so I could become one with myself – whole, empowered, confident, and content in WHO I AM.

I tried looking into the mirror while saying kind things to myself, and when I thought a negative thought, I would try to affirm something more positive and helpful. However, these affirmations were unable to work for me because I had skipped an important step.

Forgiveness.

I needed to forgive myself…
For thinking cruel things,
For doubting and rejecting parts of me of that made me unique,
For degrading my gifts and talents,
For wishing that I was smarter, sexier, and more interesting,
For acting out of pain and hurting others,
And for believing that there was something wrong with me due to the difficult experiences I had while growing up.

Growing up, most of us were taught to criticize ourselves, whether by mirroring the adults in our lives or learning judgmental behavior from society. Especially when something “bad” happens or an expectation isn’t met, it’s easy to judge ourselves and think we did something wrong.

We adopt self-judgmental beliefs, and from these belief patterns, self-destructive behaviors are created.

To end this cycle, we must liberate ourselves with the power of forgiveness and merciful love.

Learning to authentically love yourself begins with self-accountability, compassion, and sincere forgiveness. These are the ingredients needed to heal the division within us, so we can be on our own team! So we can cheer ourselves on as we learn, grow, make mistakes, and learn some more!

This is how we develop a lifelong romance with the power of the universe within us. To co-create with these divine forces, to stand in our true radiance, and gracefully and confidently fulfill our purpose.

–Written by Lauren Elizabeth Walsh

We believe forgiveness is some of the deepest healing work we can do.

We are here to support you and love you, holding a mirror up to you to show you your brilliance, and what is possible.

Stay with us here, with your hand on your heart. Feel these words. Let us heal, together.

All the parts of you that feel hard to love may stay that way, until you forgive yourself.

For example, if you find it hard to love the negative thoughts you have when you think of your body, extend your compassion to these voices. Instead of pushing them away and white-washing them with pure positivity, consider that these thoughts and this way of being has come as a teacher to you on your path.

Forgive yourself for judging the thoughts and the voices within. See that they have come from a place of feeling hurt and wounded. Consider that this opportunity is a goldmine for your healing and growth.

Through practicing self-love and incredible compassion,
Through healing yourself,
You can help others heal as well.

Simply forgiving is powerful. Yet when combined with making a conscious choice of how you want to live now, in contrast to how you have been in the past, forgiveness becomes a stepping stone on a larger path of transformation and healing.

It is time for all of us to take responsibility for forgiving ourselves, and from there, choose a life that feels more aligned, resonant, and in integrity with the truth in our hearts.

It is time for all of us as women to be an example of change. This is part of what heals our world.

How can we learn to forgive the most hurt parts of society, if we don’t first start with forgiving our beautiful selves?

As the unaligned aspects of society and culture reveal themselves more and more each day, it is up to us — as women who are naturally intuitive, transformational, and able to birth — to birth our vision of what is possible for women, and the world… Starting with ourselves and our communities.

NOW is a powerful time to do this work of self-forgiveness, as well as doing the work to transform society through forgiving the forces we have perceived to be oppressive.

Forgiveness combined with strong solutions and action is truly a radical act.

To forgive doesn’t mean to forget. If anything, it means to integrate the lessons and teachings of the wounds we have held. That way, we can hold the gold nuggets of transformation and remember what we have been through so that we can help others alchemize their pain and judgment into incredible forgiveness and self-love.

To forgive doesn’t mean to simply move on, either. It sometimes means holding someone accountable to a better version of themselves. It sometimes means reminding someone of their values, morality, and integrity.

Forgiveness transforms into spiritual activism when we combine the tenderness of unconditional love with fierce boundaries and accountability. 

Now is the time, and you are the woman responsible to passionately dance, feel, and play with releasing the judgment of yourself, so that you can step forward as a part of the solution with love in your heart!

So, sister, we ask you…

What parts of yourself are you ready to forgive?

What parts of your community, family, or culture do you want to forgive?

Let us know in our Global Sisterhood group. We are so excited to hear from you! You are also welcome to share this blog if it feels resonant.

With all love,
Torie Michelle Feldman