Why New Year Resolutions Don't Work
How to actually manifest your desires this year
Ever since I was a young child, New Year’s Eve was my favorite holiday. I loved it for the same reason I loved Sundays; it’s a reset button for life. I have memories of myself as a young girl, creating a whole routine for myself since I was seven years old.
I was never prompted by anything or anyone other than the visual appeal of a fresh row on the calendar. I would make sure that my bedroom was tidy, every corner organized and fresh. I would take a long bath and ensure that every toe was squeaky clean. I even prepared my own “holy water,” and blessed with prayers and intentions for a great year ahead!!
The idea of a new week, a new year is exciting and refreshing. It can give us this, somewhat false impression, that everything can change at the sound of a bell or at the snap of your fingers. I think we all intuitively know that real change doesn't happen in a moment like that. Especially if we’ve delved into the spiritual texts and teachings, we know that we are more than our physical bodies and that starting over can happen at any moment or any second of your life.
The Gregorian Calendar and the new year is merely a human construct. They only have meaning because we assign meaning to them. (This is why following a lunar calendar is a helpful and transformative practice.) Now, this does not mean that the concept of the calendar year and new year’s resolutions are utterly useless? Absolutely not. A beautiful thing about life is that when we assign meaning to something, it has power. So if we choose to, and if we approach it with a smart strategy, we can use this holiday and the calendar year as a TOOL to help us build the lifestyle of our dreams.
So how do we do this? Well, there are some key concepts to understand and put into practice. Identity Change, The Long Game, Everything is Connected.
1. Identity Change
We first must realize that our resolutions are mostly habit or identity changes.
Because of this, most of us aren’t going to have a point in the upcoming year that we can cheer and finally tick off the checked box next to our resolution.
From the get-go, we need to focus on the process of becoming and not the results. As the author James Clear states, “Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. No single instance will transform your beliefs, but as the votes build up, so does the evidence of your new identity.”
2. The Long Game
In order to really transform ourselves and our lives, we must be invested in the long game. If you’re anything like me, you have lots of ambitious goals for yourself. So ambitious that, you could not reasonably accomplish them in the next year.
Anais Nin eloquently writes, “We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”
Growth and progress are not linear, becoming is more mysterious than that. Embrace this natural law, and know it with every cell of your being. You ARE becoming your highest self. With the same speed and grace that it takes for an oak tree to become an oak tree.
3. Everything is Connected
Everything is connected, our desires as well. In order to manifest your desires, you need to boil down all of your goals into to one word. Figure out your pain point and declare a noun that will become your mantra.
A steady beat and rhythm that will guide and remind you of the person you want to become.
For me, it was CREATING. My list was full of statements like, “start a blog, start a podcast, write every day, etc, etc.” What I realized was that I wanted my identity to be a creator. I wanted to be someone who makes things happen. Someone who doesn’t just consume but creates. With this method, 2019 was my best year yet. I manifested my desire to become a podcast host and started writing more consistently on my blog. And now for 2020 my theme is ORGANIZATION, the year where I will work on improving my ability to organize my time and space so that I can create more effortlessly and efficiently.
I hope you find a thematic word that rings true for your soul and gently reminds you to be more of the person you want to become. May you bloom and become easy and effortlessly
Nihel Ayari is a Tunisian-American wellness consultant and the host of the Notes On Becoming podcast. As a curious mind at large, Nihel is on a life-long quest of gathering wisdom and then distilling and sharing it in order to empower individuals. Follow her at @nihelsnotes or find out more at nihelayari.com.